Sunday, January 31, 2016

Life, the unfolding story

I'm in a weird, bored mood lately.  Not sure what to do fill up my spare moments.  I sort of crave a creative outlet, but am bored of everything creative I think of.  Sometimes I feel this way when I don't have any interesting books to read; life just feels a little flatter for it.  I think I'm craving a challenge involving something that interests me.

Parenting my children interests me, and lately that has held LOTS of challenges, to the point that I'm a bit maxed out on it and ready for even keel.  Zion has been a meltdown mess over the past few days, as has Layla, and the mother feels a bit meltdown fried.  I missed doing something I was looking forward to tonight, because Zion was such a mess that he needed to stay home.

Parenting sure does involve a lot of opportunities to deny yourself.  Lately the Zion adventures have felt like a kayak ride over rocky rapids where there is constant troubleshooting and evaluation and you're trying to stay upright and not go too far one way in terms of strictness/intolerance of ratty behavior and not go too far the other way in terms of permissiveness/grace for an overstimulated child and meanwhile your parenting muscles are getting sort of weary.  Then when the Layla screeches start and you had sort of forgotten that they existed, your eyes get sort of twitchy and you just feel all twitchy and done for the day with little people that act crazy in the head.  Like, time to clock out and collect the paycheck and get a good night's sleep so you can come back refreshed for the next day of insanity that awaits you.  Instead you get...approximately none of that.  The ultra marathon of parenting in certain seasons.

I'm not complaining...I don't think.  Just...bemoaning a little bit.  :D  I like my little people an awfully lot.  Even the ones that screech in my ears.  These are just my challenges of late: how to love those little people best with all their individual personalities and needs without getting too cranky and snappy.

One of the things that I've been doing for the past while is making things like I like them.  Rearranging things and organizing and hanging curtains and finding the right rug for the bathroom that makes me glow happily inside whenever I observe the color combinations that bring me great delight.

Both the recent restlessness and the house energy has to do with the fact that Caroline is getting older and I am getting more sleep.  Well, yippee for that one!!  Now, what to do with myself...what does this next phase of life look like for me?  I'm pretty sure it will be something enjoyable.  Just...waiting to see what form that takes.  That's really what makes life interesting, after all.  Our story unfolds in front of us in bits and pieces.

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